Self-Discovery by Marianne Gouveia

Throughout my journey of grief, I continue to explore parts of myself, my identity, my beliefs, my values, and my priorities. Loss lays out entirely new ways of thinking about the mysteries of life and death. We are irrevocably changed and faced with restoring balance as we learn to integrate loss into our lives. Part of my self-discovery has been diving deep into who I am, how I want to spend my time, and examining my priorities, beliefs, and thoughts about living a life full of joy and happiness. Full of love.

This February marked 8 years without Eric. I will always miss his infectious belly laugh, kind soul, adventurous spirit, and loyal & fun nature. As each moment, day, month, and year go by I observe the movement in my grief journey. The devastation of losing Eric felt like a complete shattering of what I envisioned for myself and those I love. I have permitted myself to look at what pieces of life I want to keep and those pieces that simply don’t fit.

An important reminder is there is no reward for speed in this journey. We all come to our own unique points of discovery as our journey’s unfold. Perhaps some questions to ask yourself in the process of self-discovery are:

• How has your view of yourself, your self-identity changed?
• How has your loss changed your priorities? Do certain things feel trivial?
• How do you choose to use your energy?
• How have your beliefs changed since your loss?
• Who has been a faithful companion in your grief?

I can openly observe my grief and how it has shifted over time. I often remind myself that it is not a linear process – I always say . . . backward, forward, up, down, around and around. No matter what direction I move, each step I take informs the next. I am much wiser every step of the way.

As I allow myself to authentically mourn, I feel ever more connected to Eric. My relationship with him has certainly shifted from one of physical presence to spiritual presence, and one of memory. All those good times!

This journey and the questions we are left with are thought-provoking and intense. They require energy and time to ponder. We develop – we find our footing – over time. Grief will always be present because it reflects the love and bonds we share. Integration is the idea that how one responds and carries their grief will change. My wish for you is the hope of finding new meaning and purpose. Give yourself compassion, a pat on the back, and remind yourself of your own resilience as you open up to integration and the continued presence of grief in your life. After all, what is grief without love’s perseverance?