Butterflies have long been associated with loss and sightings are often seen as signs that loved ones remain nearby. When we think of a butterfly, we picture beauty, flight and freedom. But before any of that is possible, there’s a long, hidden process that takes place inside a chrysalis. 

What people may not realize is that the caterpillar inside doesn’t simply sprout wings, develop a segmented body then emerge ready to fly away. What actually happens is so much more fascinating and awe-inspiring…the caterpillar inside the chrysalis actually dissolves into a kind of organic soup. While the major biological systems remain intact and are rearranged to suit the developing butterfly, the rest of the caterpillar liquid is reconstructed by specialized cells called imaginal discs. 

Everything the caterpillar once was breaks down. It is from that disorganized, uncertain state that something entirely new begins to form. This transformation is not pretty, timely or uncomplicated…metaphormsosis is a complete reorganization of being that cannot be rushed. 

Many of us who are navigating life after our loss can feel as if life as we knew it has dissolved. Our routines, roles, sense of purpose are now unclear and ungraspable. 

Often in our early grief, we wonder who we are and how to face days that are heavy and seemingly pointless. We might feel as if we are walking in circles or even unable to feel solid ground beneath us. This is the work of grief…the messy, unseen, liminal space where we begin to reshape our lives from the inside out. 

Just as the caterpillar will be forever changed, we too will be learning to live as a very different person. We don’t return to the life we had before our loss. Instead, over time, as we mourn, sit with our grief and learn to integrate our loss, new parts of ourselves begin to emerge. Often, we find deeper empathy, a clearer sense of what matters or a quiet strength. None of this erases our pain or sense of loss. But transforming is not about going back, it is about moving forward in a new way. 

If you’re in that place of not knowing, please understand that you are actually where you need to be at this time. This in-between (liminal) space is not a failure or a sign that you are broken or stuck. Allow yourself the time, gentleness and support that you need during this time of reorganization. Kindness and patience for yourself is imperative as you move toward hope and healing.