The holidays are often described as “the most wonderful time of the year.” Our culture tells us this is a season of joy — a time for celebration, gathering, and giving thanks. And that is true.  But for those of us who are grieving, the holidays can feel anything but wonderful. They can magnify the ache of absence, the longing for what once was, and the painful reminder that someone we love is no longer here.

The world keeps moving, brightly lit and bustling with cheer, while our hearts quietly carry the weight of loss. The empty chair at the table. The unopened stocking. The silence where laughter once rang. These reminders can take our breath away.

Yet even in the midst of deep sorrow, there is still room for healing, love, and meaning. The holidays can become a time not just of surviving, but of gently honoring both our grief and our love for the person who died before us.

Give Yourself Permission to Mourn

Grief expert Dr. Alan Wolfelt reminds us that “grief is what we think and feel on the inside, and mourning is how we express it on the outside.” Healing requires both. Allow yourself to cry, to speak your loved one’s name, to share memories, or to simply sit in silence. Mourning openly — rather than holding it in — is an act of courage and self-compassion.

Create New Traditions

When old traditions feel too painful, consider creating new rituals that honor your loved one. Light a candle in their memory. Set aside a quiet moment to speak their name. Write them a letter or decorate a tree with ornaments that represent special memories. As Dr. Wolfelt teaches, meaningful rituals help us acknowledge our loss and integrate it into our our lives in healthy ways.

Lean on Your Faith and Community

During the holidays, our faith reminds us that darkness does not last forever. The light of love — eternal and unbroken — continues to shine. Whether through prayer, meditation, or connecting with others who understand your pain, allow that light to comfort you. Healing happens in community, when we sit beside others who truly understand.

Find Small Moments of Peace

Grief often comes in waves, but so does grace. Look for small signs of comfort — a song that reminds you of your loved one, a sunset that feels like a whisper from beyond, a friend’s kind words. These moments remind us that love remains, even when loss feels overwhelming.

Extend Compassion — to Yourself and Others

The holidays can be hard for many people, even if their pain isn’t visible. Be gentle with yourself. Rest when you need to. Say “no” when something feels too hard. Give yourself permission to simply be.

As Dr. Wolfelt writes, “Our grief is the proof of our love.” May we remember that love never ends — it simply changes form. And may we find hope, even in the quiet corners of our grief, knowing that light always returns.