Peace might feel like an impossible word when your heart has been shattered by the loss of someone you love…especially when that loss comes through suicide or substance use. Peace can seem like something that other people get to feel…something out of reach when the questions are endless and the pain is so personal.

But peace, in this kind of grief, doesn’t mean everything is okay or that the loss makes sense. It means learning to be with what is true, without needing to push it away or pretend we’re fine.

The word ‘cultivation’ implies giving attention, effort and patience to something worthy. Looking back to life before my son’s death, it seems as if happiness, joy, peace and laughter came so much easier, without much thought. The journey through the wilderness of grief, however, has required specific intention on my part. At times, this work has been overwhelming and exhausting. But, in my mind, there is no other acceptable alternative which is why I continue to push forward.

Peace, I have come to realize, is not about finding closure or feeling better. It’s about creating space inside myself to hold the sorrow without being consumed by it. We need to be gentle with ourselves…sitting briefly at first with the pain. We come to understand that we don’t have to fight our grief in order to survive it. Instead, we can learn to sit beside it, to breathe with it, to let it soften around the edges. We don’t make peace with our loss, we make peace with the life that now holds the loss. And that’s a subtle but powerful shift.

Reconciliation is part of that process. We make room for the complexity by acknowledging the pain, the love, the anger, the confusion, and the deep longing. As we reconcile ourselves to what can’t be changed, we can begin to cultivate a new sense of connection with the one we lost…not just in memory, but in how we carry them forward in our lives.

So if peace feels distant or even impossible right now, that’s okay. There is no timeline. Just know that peace isn’t about putting aside or ignoring your pain, it’s about being with it, in a way that allows you to breathe again. You’re not doing it wrong if the tears still come, if the ache is still sharp, or if some days feel heavier than others. Peace is allowing things to be just as they are, without judgement. And often, it begins when we stop trying to fix the pain and instead allow ourselves to feel it honestly and with compassion for ourselves.