The holidays can be beautiful… but they can also be brutal. 

For many of us at EricsHouse, this season carries extra weight. When you’ve lost someone you love, the twinkling lights can’t make things feel light. I know this personally. After losing my son Eric, the holidays changed. The world kept celebrating, but my heart was learning a new way to breathe. There were times when it took every ounce of energy to face the space where Eric would be if he were alive. But at the same time, the holidays have become a special time for me to feel grateful, to feel immense love for those I love, and to remember the beauty of having all of my children in my life – Robert, Joey, AND Eric.

Over the years, one practical tool has helped me face the holidays with a little more steadiness: Plan A and Plan B. Not because I expect the worst, but these are tools that help to bring some order to the chaos of emotions. 

PLAN A: Your Primary Plan (Plan A) is your standard, traditional plan with some changes.  Consider you are having one of your “best days” and feeling physically and emotionally strong.  What parts of our traditional holiday plans would you want to keep?  Which ones would you prefer to skip this year? Making changes to tradition becomes your Plan A.

PLAN B: Your Fallback Plan (Plan B) is for a difficult day – you are triggered, overwhelmed by sadness, or feeling unwell.  Perhaps you are feeling anxious or unsafe.  Your Plan B is what you will do instead – skip dinner, go on a road trip, short visits with friends, there are many possibilities. The important thing is that you do not add to the already stressful season and that you permit yourself NOT to do things that do not bring you some comfort.

There is one more consideration to make your holidays pleasant.  That is to pick 3 things – or anchors – that would make your days feel meaningful. For example:

• Gathering with safe people
• A tradition you want to keep (or gently reshape)
• A quiet moment that helps you breathe

Some years, my anchors have been as simple as: “show up for a little while,” “light a candle for Eric,” and “protect the morning for quiet.”   Simple things that bring great comfort.

Leave room for meaning. If you’re grieving, meaning matters more than activity.

Meaning can look like:

• Saying their name (because love doesn’t end)
• Sharing a story at the table
• Setting out a photo
• Donating or volunteering in their honor
• Cooking something that reminds you of them
• Taking a walk and letting your heart talk honestly

When I say Eric’s name, when I tell a story about him, I’m not stuck in the past. I’m honoring a love that still lives in me.

A Gentle Reminder for the Road Ahead

Joy and sorrow can sit at the same table.
Laughing doesn’t erase love.
Tears don’t ruin the day.

If this holiday season feels tender for you, please know: you don’t have to perform your way through December. You only have to care for your heart, one choice at a time.

Plan A is hope.
Plan B is compassion.
You are allowed to need both.

And if you’re missing Eric, or your own loved one, this season — I’m with you. We are with you. At EricsHouse, we hold space for the truth that love remains, even when someone is gone. Their light still matters. And so does your survival.